Friday, September 1st, Saw Dr. B today. Had my blood taken and she was quite pleased that my body was again producing blood cells and platelets. In fact the white cell count, (which fights infections) has gone from 800 to 1800. It more than doubled since Monday but is still far off the normal range of 4,000 to 11,000. She told me to stop taking the antibiotic immediately, which I did.
On Tuesday the 5th I will start back up with the 5FU pump and radiation. Then on the 11th I will get another blood test and at that time it will be decided on whether I go for another 7-hour round of Chemo or possibly an EGR and scan.
I ended my last comments with, "I still have hair." Well that sure is no longer the case. It is falling out in bunches both from my head and chest. Taking a shower is just horrendous because you get mouths full of hair. Even when I sleep my eyes and mouth are covered with hair. Jennie is coming Sunday afternoon to spend some time with me so she is going to clip my head and chest. (We borrowed the clipper from Barbara). At least than I will avoid the fur-balls in my mouth.
Saturday the 2nd. Well now I'm completely bald. Jennie came today to spend some time with me and cut off whatever remained on my head, back and chest. It sure is a strange sensation being furless but at least now I can show without a pile of hair in my eyes and mouth.
Viv and I have been on a restaurant binge since I can go out again. We go out every night. I figure, what the hell, the time will soon be here again for abstaining so might as well enjoy the food while I can.
Tuesday, September 5th. Started my radiation treatments again but when I went upstairs to Oncology they took another blood test and decided not to start the pump because my platelets were still too low and Dr. B was not in. So I went home...
Wednesday, September 6th Went in again today and again stopped at Oncology. Had another blood test and this time Dr. B decided to start the pump anyway even though the platelets are not coming up. She just told me that the dose would be not as strong and only until Monday when the surgeon and the two oncologists will decide the next course of action. I'm betting it will be more chemo.
In the meantime don't cut yourself, you may not be able to stop the bleeding, (boy, it would be a great time to commit suicide by slashing the wrists!)
Until next Monday....
Thursday, September 7th Last night I had a strange dream and want to share it with you, so maybe you can voice your opinion.
I was strolling downtown on a snowy evening with a chemo nurse at my side, (not identifiable), when suddenly she took my hand in her red mitten-covered hand. She said to me, "I want you to come live with me." When I looked at her to reply, it was Joan. She then disappeared.
At this point I awoke with a start and tried to fall back asleep, hoping this dream would continue, but to no avail. When I told Jennie about this she said that whenever her mom appears in her dreams she always disappears. She also said that I had better not go live with mom yet, she needs me more here.
Any comments??
Monday, September 11th Went in for my radiation therapy and my oncology appointment at 10 A.M. Another blood test and weight in. I held my weight which was good but when Dr. B came in to examine me she said that they would again stop everything because my system is still down, especially the platelets. I only had to come back on Tuesday to finish off my third week of radiation. I thought great, now I wouldn't have to wear that damn pump anymore and they are giving my body two weeks to rest and hopefully build itself up again.
I will have to go in on the 18th for a blood test and again on the 20th for a CT-Scan. They are going to do an IV and oral scan so that means the joy of drinking 2 bottles of barium beforehand. Because I'm allergic to the IV dye I have to take steroid pills, 1 at 13 hours before the test, 7 hours before and then 1 hour before. The medications are Prednisone 50 MG, Diphenhydramine 50 MG and Ephedrine 25 MG and must be taken at precisely those times so I may have to set my alarm. Oh well, it's still better than going into shock like I did with my first angiogram.
I'll keep you posted.....
Tuesday, September 12th, Went in for my last radiation treatment, Viv accompanied me because she was going to treat me to breakfast afterward. Everything went normal and soon we were at "What's Cooking" for our meal. As we sat sipping coffee awaiting our food I heard a very loud Jewish old crony say to his group, "Oh yeah, my good friend Sol just died of esophageal cancer and did he ever suffer."
Sure made me feel good....
Wednesday, September 13th Brother, did I get sick yesterday. I don't know if it was from my last radiation treatment but I was queasy all day. At suppertime Viv made herself some Spam and I thought the smell was going to make me vomit (and I like Spam). Later in the evening I had my usual dish of ice cream and just barely made it to the bathroom where I vomited bile and then had the dry heaves. At this point I laid down because I was actually shaking I was so cold. Thank God Viv came in to see if I was OK and then brought in a blanket which I covered up to my neck. (I remember how Joan used to lay on the couch all covered up while I was sweating sitting in the chair.) Thank you Viv.
I was awake most of the night and finally dozed off about 8:30 and slept until 12:30. Again Vivian thought I was dead but didn't wake me to find out. I was a little hesitant to eat but started with a small bowl of dry cereal and later after I showered I made myself a poached egg on toast. Speaking of showering it's almost a pleasure now because I have no hair to comb and none to shave. Thank you Jennie....
Today I am feeling pretty good and unless something happens I won't bore you until next week.
Just want you all to know....
Monday, September 18th Had another blood test and Dr. B decided not to start any more chemo because my system still needs a break. Counts are still low. I almost could have predicted that myself because I get tired very easily. I think that I must have lost a lot of muscle mass when all the weight came off because my arms and legs are weak. I sometimes strain just to carry things.
Wednesday, September 21st, Had to be at the hospital at 6:30 A.M. for my CT-Scan. Everything went well and the pills worked because I didn't go into shock. I will get the results on Monday when I see Dr. B again.
I now realize why Joan often would say on the way to the hospital, "Can't we just go for a ride up to Wisconsin?" I could kick myself now for not having done that once in a while, it probably would have made her life a little bit more bearable when she was going through all this crap. We never seem to take the time for ourselves or our loved ones. I wish I had.....
Monday, September 25th, Three more months until Christmas, has everyone bought my presents yet? On second thought, don't waste your money, I may not need them.
Saw Dr. B today and my blood counts are still coming up. The results of the CT-scan showed now new growths and some of the swelling has gone down in the Esophagus. She also explained that Dr. BB, who I see tomorrow would give me the pros and cons of the surgery.
There is little to compare with as almost all tumors of this kind are removed in surgery. There are few who opted to forgo surgery in lieu of chemo and radiation, but not enough to do any comparison. So now I will have to wait another day. She did tell me that I would probably have to go through more heart and lung tests before they could do anything else.
O joy, more angio-grams and echo-grams. I told Jennie that we should look for a nursing home in case I'm laid up and she didn't like that idea but you have to do what you have to do. I will end this for now and let you know the outcome of my talk with the surgeon.
I then will have a serious decision to make. Pray that I make the right one!
Tuesday, September 26th, Well, it's definitely an operation. There is no other way to get rid of this tumor. Chemo and radiation has shrunk it but will never kill it.
Dr. BB explained the procedure. There are three ways to attack it. All would require an incision from the chest cavity down to the navel. The other incisions could be made either in the left or right lung cavity through the back or about an eight inch incision in the back of the neck. The latter is the way he will go.
Once I am opened they will cut away the top half of the stomach and most of the esophagus and then pull the stomach up and reattach it to what's left of the esophagus. There is a 5% chance that I won't survive the surgery and if they do go through the neck incision there is a 15 to 20% chance that it may leak. This would keep me in the hospital a few extra days.
The surgery itself will take from five to six hours. With no complications I would be in intensive care two to three days, then to the surgical floor. After three days they will start feeding me clear liquids. I will have tubes in my nose, in my side and in my stomach along with all the electronic probes attached. I will also have the IV feeding me through the port.
If everything goes well I could be in anywhere from 10 to 14 days followed by 4 to 6 weeks recovery. I will have to figure something out for that.
D-Day
D-day is October 17th. Thank you all for your many prayers, cards and calls.
Someone will keep you all posted.
Jim
Jennifer Patterson
September 28, 2000
Hello everyone out there in Turk family land! It's me again. You all know that I've written about my feelings on different topics, so I thought that I'd write again about another one. This time I want to focus my attention on my DAD Jim. Last night Jim told me that he will be having an operation and that it is scheduled for October 17. I understand that this is basically the only way to make sure that they remove his tumor completely, but this sucks. Even though he has been through Chemo and radiation treatments, they still have to do this as well. When I was in bed trying to sleep last night, I had a lot of trouble accomplishing that goal. You know how it is when your mind just keeps racing and your body is trying to rest. It drives you crazy! All of the thoughts that I had last night revolve around Jim.
It's funny to think that just 7 or 8 years ago I didn't even know who he was, yet now he is the closest person to me. It's amazing how people come into your life and end up having such a huge effect on it in such a short time. When I first heard of Jim it was when my mom and I were at this restaurant and she told me that she thinks that this guy likes her. I remember her telling me that she didn't know if this thing would work, because she thought he was too nice for her and that she would step all over him. How funny that that was not the case at all. Jim is very good with standing his ground and doesn't take poop from anyone. Excuse me for saying poop. The second time I heard of him was after their first date. My mom asked me if I was going to ask her about her date. I asked, "So, how did it go?"
My mom sat at our dinning room table flipping through a magazine and answered me without lifting her head, "He asked me to marry him and I said yes."
"EXCUSE ME!" (Mind you, I had not met this man before) My friend was there and told me to go give her a hug. I did, but whispered in her ear, "We'll talk about this later."
Well, then the first meeting finally came. I remember that we went out to dinner somewhere on the north side and I sat across the table from them. I just kept looking at Jim and thinking that now this man is in our lives and I don't even know him. I was used to me and my mom and no one else. It was that way since I could remember. The first year went by and both my mom and I had to get used to having this big extended family. We weren't used to that either. By the second year we all got used to each other and I felt like I had a real family for the first time in my life. Having two parents is wonderful. Of course we went through the ups and downs that every family goes through, but over all it was great. Jim totally took me in as his own child and was always there for me. My dad died when I was young and I never felt that bond before and Jim filled that empty space in my life. I just wish that they had found each other earlier in life. At least they did finally come together.
During their short, but full marriage they went through many heart ships that I won't even go into. Through all of that they remained happy and in love. They were so devoted to each other and that was beautiful. I can only hope that my marriage with Rick is as wonderful as theirs was. I know that the last years of my mother's life were her happiest and I am thankful for that.
Last night when I was in bed, all of the stuff that I just wrote down is what I was thinking about. It was like my life was flashing before my eyes. So many things happen so fast and I feel like I'm stuck in park right now. I will be strong through this and of course be there for Jim. He may be stubborn, but I'm up there with him. I know that he will make it through all of this. I'll just be there to help him in any way.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that Jim is such a wonderful man and I want the best for him. I know that he has been there for all of you as well. I just want everyone to know how much I love him. He is my DAD and I don't know what I would do without him. I know that he has had dreams about my mom wanting him to live with her, but I need him here. I think you all feel the same way. No matter what happens, I just want you (as in Jim) to know that you're an amazing person who has touched us all and we are here for you through good times and bad. I love you DAD!
Jennie
"Jim's Daughter"