Sounds of Silence

Once I couldn't stand the silence. Upon waking, I turned on the radio. In the car, the radio. In the waiting room there was piped-in music along with the magazines. Always, there were someone else's thoughts and words. I'm not sure why I never sat alone with myself. Quite possibly, there was nothing within my silence that I could recognize, and that frightened me. Or, maybe the silence was a reality that had no escape, and that petrified me. Or, perhaps, there was so little solitude available within my life style that it only teased and frustrated me.

There's been a shift now. Has it come from age, from experience, from circumstance? Arranged-for silent reflection is now essential. In this time I puzzle out things to come to a better understanding of myself. I listen to voices within and around — the sounds of life. And I try to allow myself to float on these sounds into another place where I can get a clearer sense of who I am in relation to all this. Out of this reflection comes a place and a direction — or a confusion when I've been too certain, too directed.

Sometimes I perceive within my reflection a Voice, a voice that shakes me, "Hands off the person!" In remorse I ask, "Have I been playing God again?" Or a Voice that inspires me, "Know, my child, that it is true!" In humility and joy, I weep, awe struck by the glimpse of what lies beyond comprehension — the mystery, the magnificence. Sometimes, the Voice gives me a mission, "This is what I ask." In fear and anger I argue and say "No, not me. I won't do it! Please. I can't do it." But then, I'm returned to the silence.

In my solitude sometimes I hear someone calling me — a friend from across the miles, a person with whom I must be reconciled, the cry of one aborted, the plea of one convicted, strangers who do not know me and cry out in anguish for someone. Their voices find a way to my heart through the tunnel of silence.

Silence! Within it I'm held fast and ravished by my thoughts; brought to fiery passion and near madness by the Spirit penetrating my soul, calling it to ecstasy — then impelling it into the place wherein dwells the universal truth, the connectedness of all things, the harmony of total creation. Each breath I release there returns and fills me with fire, energy and desire. I become weak with.....

Knock! knock!
"Hey mom! Where's the scissors?"
"I don't know. Who had them last?"
"Kim did when she cleaned the stinkin' gerbil cage."
"I did not! Why are you always blaming me for everything
that's missing?"

Ring! Ring!
"I'll get it."
"No, I'll get it.""
"I wanna get it. It's for me anyway."
"No, it isn't! It's for me..... Mom, it's for you."
"Who is it?"
"I don't know. Somebody about repairing something."
"Hello. No, we really don't plan on doing any remodeling right now.
Thank you." Click!

Knock! Knock!
"Dad's home."
"Who left the garage door open? And where's the car that's supposed to be in the garage!"
"I couldn't pull into the alley. There were two old mattresses and a
bunch of kids blocking the entrance. So, I just put it out front.
I've gotta run to the store anyway."

Click! Click! Click!
"... President Carter, in an effort to unify....click! "...the White Sox, in
a twelve-inning thriller, defeated..."click!
"Where's the mail?"
"On the table, next to the screws that fell out of the mirror upstairs
this morning!"
"Oh damn!"

Ding dong!
"Somebody at the door!"
"It's a man to see the lady of the house."
"Will someone see what he wants. I'm in a hurry... We now own what?"

Bark! Bark!
"Shut up, Cheddar!"
"Jimmy, what do you mean, `shut up'? He's a dog. He has to bark."
Bark! Bark! "Shut up, Cheddar!"
"But, Mom, I thought you said..."
"In fact, everybody, shut up! QUIET!"

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
"Behold, I am with you all days."
But I can't find you or hear you with all this noise and confusion.
"Behold!"

"Mom, what's wrong? You seem upset. Mom, don't you feel good? Mom?"

But there are all these ringing bells, and barking dogs, and knocking on doors, and voices calling...

"Mom, Mom! MOM! Yoo hoo, Mom, are you there?"
"What? Oh, sure, guys, I'm here...and there."
"What's that supposed to mean?"

It means participating in life in such a way that it connects and flows from God through me to you and outward into the ultimate harmony of things.

"Yeah sure, Mom, that's really good!??"