Symptoms of Spiritual Divorce
Or `Those Little Give-aways'

Not telling me where the family is going on vacation.

Laughing at me when I'm not saying or doing anything.

Finding strangers in our bed.

Finding friends in our bed.

Inviting a lawyer to our family picnic.

Going out seven nights a week and returning home on only three.

Blowing the pilot light out on the stove before you leave for work in the morning.

Celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary with your secretary.

Taking my house keys away.

When we go places, wanting me to stay in the car so I can feed the meter.

Calling me honey and dear in front of our friends...incompetent and stupid to my face...and cold-hearted and insensitive to your secretary.

Raving about the fantastic rooms at the Holiday Inn...hmmm, I don't remember ever going there.

Finding our charge account shows the purchase of white silk pajamas and neither one of us own them.

Not speaking to me except for "Roll over!"

Dropping me off at the dentist when I complain that I never get to go anywhere.

Wanting me to move into the garage so I can keep an eye on the car.

Turning down the heat when you go to work ("but I'm still home?!")

After being the life of the party, suddenly going mute when we get in the car to go home.