What Am I Most Grateful For?

For one week out of fifty-two, the one preceding Thanksgiving, everyone wants to know "What are you most grateful for this year/month/week/day/so far in your whole entire life?"

In preparation for the inevitable asking of the question I say to myself, "Barbara baby, you just get right down there and dig and dig until you come up with an absolute-most-final-all-inclusive-for-all-time-once-and-only-once answer." So from the depth of my soul I offer (intimately and honestly) without fear of the three R's of sharing (Risk, Rejection, and Retaliation) the benefit of my PROFOUND search in this area for the eternal truth. Whew!

"I, Barbara, am most grateful that I know everything.
Yes! I said everything!"

A commotion breaks loose in the crowd of humanity..."did you hear what she said?"..."Everything? Impossible!!!"... "did she say what I think she said?"..."My God, who does she think she is?"

QUIET! you disbelievers. When I said a PROFOUND search I didn't mean your regular run-of-the-mill search. I meant I really searched hard. And how did I come to profoundly realize this about myself, you may ask? Well, I've grown to it gradually with the help of those around me. I would get into a disagreement and have it put to me `You think you know everything!' After mentioning it — yeah! I felt like I did, otherwise I wouldn't have been arguing. The kids would say "you get that look like no matter what we say, you already know." The look? My wry, knowing smile. Friends would say "Barbara, it's not that cut and dried"... but it was to me. After all, they didn't know what I knew.

Yes, it's difficult knowing everything...but then I knew it would be. Sometimes I'm going to be wrong — I know that. And sometimes I won't know everything — I know that, too. Can you see the `gift' of which I speak?

Am I difficult to live with? Well, no more than the next person, because in all seriousness, when it comes right down to it, don't you think you really know yourself? Think of the times when you were crying over results and said, "I knew it would turn out like this, I just knew it." Or the times you were ecstatic because of the accomplishment and said, "I knew I could do it, I just knew it."

You folks who share things like "I'm glad the price of satin sheets and caviar have come down" or "I'm grateful our cat, Poopsie, didn't get seasick on the yacht" are entitled to that bit of joy — but for me, joy, peace, satisfaction come not from without but from within: the `knowing' of myself. And for everything I know about myself I am most grateful.